Come Thursday…

Hi there Smile

Guess what? It’s Saturday. It’s pretty outside. My house is semi-clean. I have no homework. Can you believe it?!! I know, I can’t either…

This semester is winding down, slowly but surely. Each day I feel my shoulders drop a little more. They are no longer touching my earlobes Open-mouthed smile I’m not going to lie- I really struggled with school this past semester. Like, more than I’ve ever struggled with anything…even my addiction to chocolate! (Just kidding. What we have is a ‘relationship’ not a ‘dependency’. Hehe)

So my schedule this past semester has looked like this, just to give you an idea of what life has been like…

  • Monday- drive hour to school-physics-drive hour home-homework-gym (if I can fit it in)-bed
  • Tuesday-drive-Calculus-get to BodyPump in 10 minutes- BodyPump-10 minutes to eat lunch- Liberal Studies class- rush across campus to find car- try to make it to work by 3-work-home-study for physics test
  • Wed-be at school by 8- Spanish-Physics (test)-go to work-home-study for calc test
  • Thurs- same as Tuesday, except we have a Calc test every week
  • Fri-work-home-try not to do homework-can’t relax because you KNOW you should be doing homework

It doesn’t sound like a lot, but by every Thursday morning, it took everything I had to get out of bed. By Thursday, I would want to shut the world out. It was always the morning where my first thought was: “I can’t do this anymore.” Often, I would come home from work and just cry. Because of the pressure and just the driving, and the constant feeling of always having to do something.

Two weeks out of a month, I will have a test every day at school. Those weeks are the. worst. My stress levels go through the roof, I have no free-time whatsoever. I become a mess.

Luckily, the studying has paid off. I’m making an A in Physics and I’m very happy about that! Calculus is another story altogether. From the get-go, I was really intent on making sure to make a good grade in Physics. Calculus sort of got put on the back burner. I didn’t realize how bad I was doing until my teacher e-mailed me to say that I was failing (Disappointed smile) and asked me if I wanted to drop the class.

Drop the class?! Are you kidding! I’m not taking this stupid class over again! I freaking HATE Calculus, and not because I don’t understand it. I understand it, it’s just so boring. Since that e-mail, I’ve improved my grade. Thank goodness. I’m not worried about making a B in there, as long as I make a C then I’m okay with it. It’s my last math class, so I’ve sort of mentally left it already Smile

It’s kind of funny, where we end up in life I mean…isn’t it? The other week, while thinking in bed, I had the sudden realization that in 2013, I will have been in college for ten years. TEN. YEARS.

I’ve literally spent my entire adult life in college. Literally. “But how can you have been in college for 10 years and not graduate?” Well, I wasted a lot of money and time when I first began community college…About 4 years worth, to be exact. It took me forever to figure out that working with animals is my calling.

Sometimes, I’m ashamed or embarrassed. I see my friends done with college and already starting their careers, and I feel like a slow poke. I get down on myself about that, but you know what? I wouldn’t change anything. Not a single dime wasted, nor a single class dropped. Those experiences taught me so much. I think God wanted to me to go through all that, because now I’m at a point in my life where I appreciate learning about new things. I have a passion for what I’m studying, and I’m also able to put myself through school without taking any loans out.

I think He has big plans for my life. Plans that I can’t even imagine.

Sometimes, specifically on those Thursdays where I’m feeling like I just can’t do it anymore, I’ll pray. I’ll ask God to please give me the endurance and mind-set I need to get through the semester. To please use me everyday to fulfill the purpose He has  for me. And sometimes, it’s like I can hear Him saying “You can do this. I wouldn’t have brought you this far if I thought you couldn’t.”

*This is a long post!* Sorry Smile I just like to write.

I try not to worry about things. Things that I know won’t matter in the end. Sometimes I worry about numbers…like: “Okay…so, I’m gonna be 28 or 29 when I finish school…that’s the ripe age to have a kid…except I don’t wanna”

No, I mean I want kids. But not after I finish school. Jason finishes around the same time and we’ll both be close to 30.

Sometimes we sit and day dream about being finished. We talk about what it’ll be like to come home and not have homework, or to have our weekends free. To not have to study for anything or plan our trips around exams…Gosh, it’ll be so nice. Graduation day is going to be one of the greatest days ever.

We both agree that after school, we want time to just be married and have our careers.

The other night Jason and I were sitting there, daydreaming together when he said “It’s nice dating a nanny. You don’t come home wanting kids everyday.” Open-mouthed smile Ha! He’s right! Thinking of having a kid seems so stressful and just more responsibility. Not something I want anytime soon.

But society puts this pressure on women to have babies, now now now. “By the time your 30 or you risk complications.” And I know that’s true, but it’s not a reason to have a child.

Personally, I’m fine with having a kid in my mid-late 30’s, but then I feel like a weird-o saying that. Because it’s not the norm.

But you know, come to think of it, my life hasn’t been “the norm”!

Not sure why I’m writing this post, it’s nice to have this time to write. And I know there is an end (of school) in sight, but I’m going to make the most of it while I’m going through it. I’ll try not to get so bogged down with the stress, I’ll keep praying, and before I know it, I’ll be done Smile

Hallelujah.     Hehe Open-mouthed smile