Weddings are Weird

Heeeeyyyyyyy Open-mouthed smile

I haven’t forgotten you, dear blog. You are always in the back of my mind, school is in the front, of course! BUT- I will have no summer classes this year, so I plan on blogging again. I’ve missed writing (to myself). Blogging is like talking to myself while driving in the car, only better. There’s some “finality” to getting my words out there, not like just saying them…the same thoughts always come back when I just say them. But when I write them, my mind has more peace Smile Cool.

Anyway, GUESS WHAT?!

I’M GETTING MARRIED! (*Throws heart-shaped confetti in the air*)Red heartRed heartRed heart

Weeeeeeeee!!!!!

I’ve been engaged for a month and five days (not that I’m counting or anything). First, I’ll tell you about the engagement, then we’ll move on to why I think weddings are totally weird. Mkay? Mkay!!

The Engagement

On Feb.18th, Jason and I woke up for our 4-year anniversary. We had planned a hike, but Jason woke up not feeling very well so I told him we could skip the hike and just hang out at home, but he insisted that we go hiking.

And so we went.

The forecast called for rain but the sun was shining and there was a beautiful blue sky for us to enjoy instead! Sun There was a brisk wind that was a bit chilly but other than that, it was such pretty weather. The trails were pretty busy. We talked on and off up while going up the mountain (with me doing more of the talking)…Jason was being kind of quiet, but I thought it was just because he felt bad so I didn’t push him for more conversation than he was giving!

About 4 miles later, we got to the top. It was such a beautiful view. There were a few hikers up there enjoying it as well. I found a spot close to the edge and sat down. I closed my eyes and had a moment to myself, a moment to take it all in…to thank God for such a lovely day when it could’ve easily been rainy…

Jason came to sit next me, he grabbed my hand. This is the moment I knew something was up. It was fifty-something degrees out and his hands were SO SWEATY Open-mouthed smile I put the thought of proposal out of my mind and blamed his sweaty hands on his sickness. But then I noticed he seemed distracted, he kept looking around at the other hikers and he just seemed real nervous…hehe Open-mouthed smile

When we were finally alone, I turned to him, kissed him and hugged him tight. I told him that I was so happy to have spent the last four years with him and that I was excited about the next four years…And he said “Me too, baby. I really love you……Will you marry me?

[Insert crying/laughing, a lot of “Oh my God”’s and “Of course I’ll marry you”’s here] He pulled a ring out of his pocket (his hands were sweaty because he had been playing with it the whole time!) and put it in my hand…I immediately put it on and started crying again…I felt overwhelming happiness (and still do) at the thought of marrying my best friend, the guy that loves me for who I am and for who I will be ten years from now, the guy that keeps me grounded and knows when to push me, the guy that has shown me what real love is supposed to be like…my Jason Red heart

I can’t imagine marrying anyone else.       

So that was an awesome day Winking smile And in the past month, I’ve begun thinking about how I wanted our wedding to be, the kinds of decorations, dress…blah blah blah.

This gives way to the second part of this post:

Why Weddings are Weird

Please take note that I did not write: “Why marriage is weird”. I wrote “weddings”. I think, especially in our materialistic society, that a lot of times people consider those two words to be one in the same.

Well, they are not.

Within the first week of planning for this wedding (that will happen next summer), I felt so overwhelmed. “I’ve gotta have flowers, a dress, decorations, catering, music, bridesmaids dresses, favors for the guest…”and on and on and on. I began pinning things on Pinterest like a mad woman.

Now, Jason and I try to live as simply as we can. So, of course, I started out with a view of having a simple wedding. I know some women that have dreamed about having a huge wedding from the age of 5 years old…that’s never been me. I’ve never daydreamed about having an extravagant wedding…I mean, of course I’ve dreamed about getting married, but I always imagined it would be something simple.

So I started thinking of DIY wedding projects to cut costs. I vowed that my wedding dress wouldn’t cost more than so-and-so dollars…things like that. But something in the back of my mind didn’t feel right about all of this, I felt like God was nudging me to really think about what the meaning of marriage is.

I began researching (me and my research! I can’t help that I’m a dork Nerd smile ) the idea of marriage and why it has turned into such a marketing scheme in America.

Think about it- It seems the norm that the bride does most of the wedding planning. Wedding companies (dress stores, jewelry stores, venues, etc.) know this, so the bride becomes the main consumer focus. You always see a woman being presented with some huge ring on jewelry store commercials, and some guy saying some cheesy thing. Or model-looking women posing in fashion-forward wedding dresses…I mean, it’s basically an advertisement focused on just the wedding. Not the actual marriage.

(My opinion) To me, weddings have become a day to play dress up and put on a big show to guests…not “show” in a bad way, like you aren’t in love or anything, but like a “show” when you decorate and spend thousands of dollars marketing your…what?….your love for each other?

After I started feeling this way, I began reading documents about what weddings used to be like. I also started reading “The Meaning of Marriage” by Tom Keller. Amazing book. And it isn’t just for married/engaged people, you can be unattached and still learn so much from it. Highly recommended.

In the olden days, according to my grandmother, weddings were…well, simple. They wore the nicest thing they had in their closet, it was usually done in a church, with close family and a few friends around, and the rings didn’t cost more than $200. There was no decorating, no $2000 dress, or photography…just family and a priest. (Think about it- what other situation would you ever drop thousands of dollars in one day? I can think of one– paying my school tuition.) And God. It was more about being joined before God back then…and I love that.

I read about a more recent family that wanted to have a simple wedding. They invited close friends and family. The woman wore a plain white dress and they signed the marriage certificate in front of their family. They also had their parents give them away to each other. I love that idea. The thought of having Jason already at the front and everyone standing like I’m the Queen of England as I walk down the aisle is embarrassing to me.

I don’t want all of that attention when there are two of us getting married. Not just a bride marrying herself!

I think the writer of this article says it nicely when she says:

"Weddings are really about two people getting married, not just the bride," Susie says. "There’s no need for the bride to be the sole focus of attention. The diamond engagement ring tradition implies that the bride is the only one who becomes engaged, which is indicated with an extravagant piece of jewelry that’s unaffordable for most people. There are also a whole bunch of issues related to diamond mining practices."
Read more: http://readperiodicals.com/201203/2609261701.html#b#ixzz1pzshypae

Lately, it feels like God has really been tugging on my heart strings. I’ve become so close to Him and have known more blessings and peace than I could’ve ever imagined. To have a wedding day that would not completely involve Him is something that makes me very sad. It’s something I don’t want.

In the book I’m reading, it says that we have gone away from the real meaning of marriage. That marriage is about leaving one’s family to become a “unit” with another person. In the Bible, leaving one’s family is a big deal. Back then, family was the strongest bond a person could have (before marriage).

It says that part of the meaning of marriage is that you are coming anew before God as one decision-making unit, and you promising the Lord that you will help shape your spouse into the kind of person that God wants him/her to be. And when doing this, you should realize that one day you will stand before the Lord together and He will rejoice in how you have glorified Him through your marriage.

The more I read this book, the more I feel ashamed for having looked at the kinds of rings I did…Don’t get me wrong, I love my ring, it is truly beautiful, but getting married isn’t about having a big ring, buying an expensive dress or making it “your day”…It’s about God.

Here is an excerpt from a couple that wanted to keep God as the focus as well:

The date of the wedding itself was a celebration of newness, Brandi says. "We didn’t want to have traditions for the sake of traditions, but we wanted to have a wedding that reflected Christ and his purpose for marriage, rather than what culture says…. We wanted to bring back the focus of bringing people together in simplicity, Christ-centred community and celebration."

"Our guests came around us and, as they were comfortable, they formed a massive circle, laid their hands on us and started praying for us," Brandi says.

Read more: http://readperiodicals.com/201203/2609261701.html#b#ixzz1pzyeBoKX

Having and feeling Jesus present at our wedding means more than anything to me. To know that His hand is over us and that we have His blessing as a couple would bring tears to my eyes.

And so I take a new direction.

We will have a ceremony and a reception, but it will not be “traditional” in the sense of what a wedding is these days. We are going to an awesome reception – dancing, eating, celebrating with family and friends…

As far as the wedding, well all I can say is that God’s presence will be felt, I will be marrying my best friend, and that IT WILL BE THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE Open-mouthed smile

2 Responses

  1. your wedding will be absolutely gorgeous. i love the ideas you have and how beautiful and pure it will be. you are right. it’s not about YOU, it’s about the two of you coming together as a unit before God. I love, love that and your heart. you are such a wonderful person!

    • 🙂 Thank you Whitney! That book is SO GOOD. Completely changed my view of what a marriage should be! Thanks for being a great friend, I’m glad you’ll be there on our special day 🙂

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